Once upon a summer, a little girl was born to an emotionally distant mother. A legend began about the day of her birth.

It was the hottest day of the year, her mother frequently complained. I was having labor pains but your father said ‘you’re just hungry. Why don’t you have some ice cream?’ I knew better so we rushed to the hospital. While you were born, someone broke into our car and stole my overnight bag. In the back seat, they left a tin of brownies a friend had made … and to this day, we tease her that her baking is so bad not even thieves would take it.

Don’t worry— the little girl had all her basic needs taken care of– food, clothing, shelter, education. She needed love, though. Hugs, encouragement, the occasional note of unconditional praise. For whatever reason, the mother couldn’t provide that, so the girl learned to do without. She tried mightily to please her mother, but always felt she fell short of the mark.

The girl noticed that her mother often wore a pin in the shape of the crab. Just above her left breast. It was a beautiful piece of craftsmanship. A lapis lazuli shell, delicate gold claws, tiny diamonds for eyes. But why a crab? she wondered. Why not a flower? Or even a scorpion (the mother’s zodiac sign)? The girl decided, she’s wearing a crab because she’s crabby. She giggled at her private joke, and got years of comfort from it when her mother’s disposition matched the jewelry.

Many decades later, the girl had lunch on her birthday with her parents at her mother’s favorite Italian restaurant. They dined on focaccia and Caesar salad and veal piccata (her father), calves’ liver (her mother), and cappellini with pesto (the girl). Before dessert was served, her father reached into his pocket and took out a small box. He gently pushed it toward her. He said, your mother and I have talked about it and we want you to have this.

The girl opened the box. And there was the crab pin.

The girl looked puzzled.

The father said, I had this made for your mother just after you were born.

Suddenly, the girl realized this gift meant more than a simple piece of jewelry. All those years the girl lived under a mistaken assumption.

It wasn’t just a crab. It was Cancer — the girl’s birth sign.

And every time her mother chose to wear that pin (which was often), the mother held the girl close to her heart.

Like Jacob awakening from his sleep and stuttering in awe, surely God was in this place and I, I did not know (Genesis 28:16), the girl then understood …

Love — her mother’s love– was in this place and she, she did not know.

The girl had been loved all along. It just hadn’t come in a form she could recognize. Until then.

And the girl lived compassionately ever after.

(Except for times she was crabby. Which she laughed at and accepted with new grace.)

For Mom, on what would have been her 89th birthday.

October 24, 2024