So I’m sitting in the weekday Shacharit service
made even longer because it’s Purim
and we have to read
the whole Megillah (literally!) of Esther.

I don’t understand why
speed-davening is so revered
and widely practiced
among observant Jews.

I find it obnoxious
and a total cock-block to finding kavanah
— a connection with You, God –
For isn’t Divine connection the whole point of prayer?

Why race through all the words
— every word —
yet pay no attention to
any single word?

My inner grumbling
reaches fever pitch
as it’s time to recite
the Mourner’s Kaddish.

Rebecca stands up behind me.
I hear her voice intoning
Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei rabbah …
as she says kaddish for her father.

Just then, my dad sits down next to me
sporting a white polo shirt,
his favorite tan v-neck sweater
and khakis.

He nudges me with his shoulder to say,
Hey Nanoo (his pet name for me)
Having fun yet?
and a sly smile plays on his lips.

I chuckle quietly for he knows
I’m on my last nerve.
Our share eye-rolling
Becomes a bond of love
As my eyes tear.

If Dad is just
a fantasy fueled
by my friend’s mourning
now I’m mourning too.

But if it’s really his spirit
coming to say hello
then – wow — we’re connecting after his death
in a way we seldom did in life.

May God’s great name be blessed
Y’hei sh’mei rabbah m’vorach 

יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא